Hate Watching Kickstarter Projects

No one hate watches a Kickstarter project quite like DavidGaames. The loathing is palpable as he destroys Patient Zero: Outbreak:

I hope you watched that with me, Henry. I hope you poured one out with your friends coding and management experience. I hope the 47 suckers who could have lost their collective $1,002 breathed a sigh of relief that their hard-earned dollars weren’t pissed away down a river of pipe dreams and naivete. And I hope you learned that people don’t believe in grand ideas, they believe in people. No one is going to shower you in money until you prove that you deserve it. Maybe one day you will. But today is not that day. Today is just another day that you waited for other people to make your dreams come true.

I love it.

And now I have a Kickstarter project of my own to hate watch: Black Mast Brewing.

The project launched a day or two ago and begins with this introduction:

Black Mast Brewing Company is a startup brewery in San Diego bringing old world style, high quality ales to the public scene.

Oh, you mean the San Diego “public scene” that is literally flooded with high quality craft beer? Sounds like a good plan.

They are trying to raise $30,000 for the following purpose:

The requested $30,000 funding will go to ramping up and decorating the entertainment area and tasting room. What this entails is everything from purchasing the copper piping that encases the flow lines, refurbishing and acquisition of furnishings, specialty tap levers, wooden barrels, artwork, painting, and general turn of the century European decor, as well as licensing and permits that would allow for an entertaining space.

Hmm…that’s curious. I mean, it makes me wonder how much work they’ve done and how much capital they’ve already raised. They’re basically asking Kickstarter to build them a pub.

Whatever. The pub is somewhat excusable. And so is the company’s website, which is just a placeholder. And the fact that they only joined Facebook on August 3. And that there are zero Google hits (other than the Kickstarter page) for any of the supposedly “award-winning” beers that they’ve made. All of that is besides the point, really. If this project is going to create something – a pub – that people could enjoy, people should be able to fund it.

The real insult comes in the pledge levels which makes this clear that they are basically trying to separate fools from their money and that this project really belongs on indiegogo (and even there it would be laughed at). The very first pledge level is $100, and what do you get?

A hat. To wear with pride. Awesome. But fear not! Pledge another $400 to get:

A keychain. Add another $500 to that and you get:

Yup, a shirt.

Not surprisingly there are no backers yet. I will hate watch Black Mast Brewing faithfully over the next 42 days. With projects like these I generally try to maintain a Prime Directive of nonintervention, but I’m very tempted to pledge $1 just so I can leave a comment and provide some “constructive” criticism about the company’s Kickstarter plans.

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2 thoughts on “Hate Watching Kickstarter Projects

  1. Ha! I admit, I had way too much fun writing about PZ:O in particular. It’s funny seeing that paragraph reproduced, as it was my very first post, and written at a time I never thought anyone would read it.

    David from Caffeineforge sent me a link to a Kickstarter with the comment “Worst reward tiers ever”, which basically tried to make the rewards appealing by stuffing a whole bunch of garbage in them. This may be even worse, with its brazen lack of care, and almost patronizing rewards. I expect an employee of Black Mast Brewing to ruffle my hair before putting the hat on me, saying “Thanks, champ.”

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